Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Dolphin: Not always your favorite animal

Hey--remember when the answer to "What's your favorite animal?" or "If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?" was really easy? Because the answer was obviously "Dolphin"? RECONSIDER, DEAR READERS. This weekend, I saw a traumatizing special on National Geographic. "Dolphin Attack." Dolphins can and WILL attack humans. They've even killed people!
Some information on dangerous dolphins...
Sometimes dolphins get really pissy and angsty when it's mating time. You can't help it.
Dolphins also can get really messed up in the head when they live in those captivity "swim with dolphins" places. If you're going to swim with the dolphins, DO NOT FEED THEM. "Dolphin Attack" showed some highly unregulated "swim with dolphins" places where people fed dolphins human food, paper, even Styrofoam cups. That dolphin WILL RUTHLESSLY ATTACK YOU.
"Dolphin Attack" featured many reenactments of dolphin attacks. In several circumstances, dolphins had gotten feisty when partying dudes have tried to party with dolphins. Dolphins are PARTY POOPERS. Apparently, dolphins don't like being slapped in the face, having beer cans thrown at them, and having popsicle sticks stuck down their blow holes. Yeah, apparently they get really irritable and might attack someone after rejecting a good time.
So... in short, beware of dolphins. Maybe consider a new favorite animal, like a meerkat. Or a three-toed sloth. Also, if you were making a wedding invite list and felt your numbers were a little too high... cut the dolphin first. They are NOT down to party.

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