Sunday, December 23, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Check out "The Bourne Nutrition!"
Monday, December 10, 2007
A new Bedtime Fun with Bethany Grundle Report is up! I know for many of you it's hard to watch the news or read, so Bethany wanted to help you out by providing her perspectives on a "hard news" story from the last couple of weeks. If the news seems dated, well, that's the problem with the Internet - it's not the fastest medium out there. But we're working out the glitches.
Gritty! Sexy! Bethany!
Monday, December 3, 2007
If you are easily offended, you probably shouldn't watch "Whiteface: A Social Experiment," the most daring social commentary since two men kissed on Melrose Place. Getting ready for bed was never this controversial. Prepare to turn stereotypes on their heads.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
I also haven't been finding anything super jazz-worthy this week, I'm not depressed, just not particularly jazzed about anything. And then I heard this story and got suddenly interested. It's kind of weird. But hear me out.
So this American college student, Amanda Knox, was studying abroad in Perugia, Italy...
having the time of her life. She met this boy there two weeks ago (possibly in an internet cafe?), they began a relationship, and now they are the prime suspects in her roommate's murder. The roommate, Meredith Kercher (21), was found dead in their apartment on Friday after police say she was stabbed while fighting off a sexual assault. Police have put forth suggestions that Knox and her male companion may have tried to involve Kercher in a sex act and then killed her when she refused.
Knox is from Seattle where everyone who knows her say they are absolutely stunned. Her friends, the art gallery where she interned, no one can believe this is possible. And herein lies the magic of study abroad! There is alcohol and drugs aplenty, bold men with long hair in linen pants, the air is crisper, love is sweeter, and endless possibilities await on the road to adventure.Anyway, this story is sick, agreed, but it has led me to a few conclusions.
- People do crazy things in foreign countries. Like buy a leather jacket. So murder is not really that far off.
- Love can get you carried away, especially when it's new, exotic, and uncomplicated by details such as a rap sheet.
- You can never really know anyone.
- At any point someone can turn on you and kill you. Especially your roommate you just met.
Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
And to toot my own horn, please check out my (very similar) blog entry on the Huffington Post here.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I myself am also wishing that the four horsemen of the apocalypse - raging fires, flea infestations, the military-industrial machine, and VH1 - will require a few weeks of rest after their recent tour of destruction. I am also wishing that Stephen Colbert will tell us soon that his campaign for president is just a stunt to get people talking and excited about the primaries and he's not really going to take his schtick all the way to the dais. Colbert is currently polling at around 13% in three-way matchups, running as an Independent. Not that I don't love Stephen. But I don't think what we need is even less focus on issues.
It's been circulating this week but if you haven't played with it yet - I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable being responsible for your addiction. I can't tear myself away and I hate the loss of control. There is something very diabolical about this "Right brain vs. left brain" test you can find here. I don't trust it, and at the same time - I don't trust myself. I need answers. I need a hero. What is happening to my body?
Supposedly it works thus: if you see the dancer spinning clock-wise, you are right-brain inclined. If you see her turning counter-clockwise, you're a left-brainer. When I first looked I saw it going counter-clockwise, beyond the shadow of a doubt. It seemed unconscionable that anyone could see it otherwise. But my cubemate saw it going the other way. This drove a wedge between us for many hours yesterday and only this morning did we start relating to each other again.
THEN I asked some other people who had seen the dancer going BOTH ways. Legend had it that she could suddenly switch directions mid-spin when your brain changed its focus.! So I kept staring again, for another few hours, and I SAW IT - she changed direction mid-spin! She would then turn clockwise for a few spins, and then turn back again - and I'd have to sit and wait a few hours more for it to happen again.
I am seriously concerned about what this "Test" really is and why I am so obsessed with it. Is it a form of psychological terrorist warfare? Is the Matrix reaching out to select a few chosen drones to enlighten? Is it all a trick, a conspiracy, the Grassy Knoll, Building 7? I'm falling for it. I'm falling in love. I'm scared, and I'm cold. I feel old. But at least I'm feeling.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Bottom line, these ladies are smart. Do I want things? Yes. Do I want otherpeople to pay for them? Yes. Specifically, I want things that are going to make me feel good about myself. Like these boots:
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
And is Drew so boring that they had to rig every game to make the show exciting? Every single contestant on the premiere show, 6 straight magical genius price guessers, won their game! Two people even won an extra $1000 on the wheel. I don't know how they actually pulled this off - were there elves in the wheel structure stopping it on the $1.00? Multiple takes? The more I think about it the more impressed I am by the whole charade. Impressed, but not manipulated! I mean, who wants to watch or attend a game show where everyone wins? Not this cookie. Sorry - I shouldn't have brought up cookies without having some available. I won't do it again. Forgive me?
Thursday, October 11, 2007
But come on - let's cut Arkansas lawmakers a break. This is not something that spellcheck would not have not caught - right? Did you expect them to proofread the whole entire law? So how can they not be blamed for this. Woops, I mean "not not blamed."
Or was this a serendipitous intervention from a highly enlightened being? Perhaps it's just the beginning of a state coup sponsored by the motivated and well-funded progressive baby marriage lobby. Or maybe it's a choreographed performance art piece making a profound social statement! To show that every person* who wants to marry has the legal ability to enter the most sacred of unions, regardless of age! (*note: homosexuals not included). Congratulations, Arkansas, for stepping up to fill the void in the progressive movement that California lazily and drug-inducedly left open. Not.* (*note: this word negates all preceding commentary).
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
This week's question comes from an intrepid reader, Kim (whose full identity I will spare for her protection), who asked me - "Jessie? Both Glamour and Cosmo this month advertise that within their glossy pages they hold the world's most sought-after secrets of sexual satisfaction. But, can you tell me, what are the top ten sexiest sex techniques ever?" Well, Kim, wonder no more - because I am about to take you on a one-way shuttle ride through my tantric universe. You are about to read everything those magazines will tell you, and everything they can't because of censorship, free of charge. I apologize in advance to my LGBT readers for the heterosexual bend, it's funnier this way.
Top Ten Sexiest Sex Tips EVER!!!
1. The number one tip is not a physical position, so much as an emotional one! It's called Be Confident. Whatever personal space you occupy, make sure you're feeling completely confident about yourself and your body. Because as ANY guy will tell you, there's nothing sexier than a woman who's comfortable with herself!
2. Pay Attention. Pay attention to what's going on. That's all I'm going to say! Wink!
3. Smile. When you smile, you look as beautiful outside as you do inside!
4. Safety. Nothing's fun unless it's completely safe. Make sure you're using both a contraceptive and an anti-sexual disease transmission device. Then cut loose!
5. Consent. Consentual is sensual! Make sure you both want to be doing what you're doing. Consent should be given verbally and above the influence of a sleep-inducing narcotic.
6. Communication. Talk about what you plan to do and then do it - that's the fun part! But talking about it can also be fun. See next month's issue on how to give him the dirtiest dirty talk of his life!
7. Environment. This has a double meaning. First, use your environment around you. Think about utilizing candles or scented drawer liners to set the mood. And second, conserve energy by turning off the lights and any running water. And don't forget to recycle when you're done!
8. Love. Nothing is sexier to a man than feeling loved and secure! Which brings us to:
9. Confidence - again! But for him this time! Make sure you're telling your partner how beautiful he looks in the moonlight and how strong his body is. If he has an ugly body, focus on one particular part that isn't ugly - like his calves!
10. Have fun! Don't forget to have fun. When you're having fun, the sex is going to be amazing!! But who cares if it's not, because you're having fun!!
Kim, and dear readers, there you have them. The secrets of my suc-sex! You now have all the tools you need to go out and have mind-blowing sex. Yum!
Monday, October 8, 2007
Want to hear the best monologue jokes from the writers of The Soup that didn't make the final show? Head Writer K.P. Anderson keeps a weekly blog of his favorites. You might know someone who wrote some.
Check out the blog here!
The Soup (formerly "Talk Soup") is an uproarious roundup of the week's best and worst television and pop culture moments. If you haven't experienced it yet, you are only living your life up to 50% of its fullest. The Soup premieres every Friday at 10pm on E!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
I want to browse your Myspace profile, but it's just so loud! I mean, both literally and figuratively. Your loud song plays immediately but you have so much html loading on your page that I can't even get in there to pause it. So I just end up bothering the coworkers in adjacent cubes by playing your loud song for 12 seconds or more before I give up and click back to my homepage. I mean really, where is your sense of decency?
I'd love the opportunity to look at your profile and see your favorite movies, and possibly body type. But all I know about you is that you posted a comment on my ex-boyfriend's page (where I linked from) and really like Journey (who doesn't?)! I just don't have the patience to wait while your complicated and visually loud profile loads. So I guess we'll never be more than what we are: friends of friends of friends.
It's really too bad - we might have had something special. But I simply can't keep bothering my neighbors with your loud song. And I can't be bothered to turn down my volume. So I guess we're at an impasse. Unless, that is...you decide to reset your Myspace preferences to play your song manually, or you opt for a simpler layout. But why would you do that for someone you don't know that well, or at all for that matter? Maybe...the hope for a more sanctimonious virtual community? A better virtual existence for posterity? The choice is yours.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
There is a matter I must address both immediately and without delay. And I musn't let another second pass without attempting to quelch the putrid festering infection of one of the most vile attacks on human dignity.
Someone once said, "words can never hurt me." But there are two phrases that really do hurt me - in that they annoy me to the point of physical pain. These phrases are inane but somehow seeped past the reason sentries and managed to lodge themselves in society's zone of acceptable behavior. I realized today that I hate these phrases more than anything I've hated in recent memory. The first is "Good times." I'll use it in a conversation for you.
Larry: "Good times."
I can't pinpoint exactly what I hate about it. It's good wholesome bro-ing out. But it's just SO vague and incoherent. These times are not good. You're describing a specific situation that is pleasant or appealing to you. Not an entire era or phase of life. And if you're so happy about it, you really couldn't think of a better word than "good?" Maybe I hate that one because it sounds fratty, so I'm just being close-minded but the second phrase issues true cause for concern.
"No worries." Now this is the real offender. Much like a fart, I don't care who started it, we're all responsible for its acceptance. And as far as I'm concerned if you're not a part of the solution, you must be part of the problem.
I hope you're saying to yourself, " I say those things." Well, don't. Anymore. If not for any reason other than them bothering me. This might sound controversial to you, but all revolutions started with controversy. The French one, the American one, and today - the Bro one. Time to luchar la lucha! Vavoom!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Name: Jessie Gaskell (like you didn't already know)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
This is art, by the way, and it's very expensive. I don't want to tell you how much because it'll embarrass you, but you'll pretend it's in your price range and nod your head and then turn away to guffaw with your friend about what a rip-off it is and how it's not even art. But what you don't realize is you don't even know anything about beauty or truth and what's beautiful is the human contact I just made with you, and you thought the real art was the piece on the wall for sale but it turned out to be our interaction which was free of charge but instead of welcoming it with open arms you guffawed and now your children are the ones who will suffer.
But it did make you think, and one day when it's too late you'll look back on this art and breathe an exhausted "thank you" through your sighs and those breaths will be your last.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I was enraged by the news but luckily snagged an interview with the Thumbs via satellite (my talent agent has been working overtime). Transcript follows.
THUMBS: F-ing contract dispute. Their opening offer was an abomination. Do they honestly think we'd re-up with a 40/60 residuals split? Hell nah.
ME: So, then you counter–offered?
THUMBS: Yeah. Ebert was fully supportive of our very reasonable $20 million counter but those tightwad Disney execs said there wasn’t a budget for appendages. They can suck a thumb.
ME: How'd you leave it?
THUMBS: Well…there was a minor altercation with the bronze mouse and a security guard died…anyway, we were “emancipated.” Now we’re seeking our own representation.
ME: Yikes. Well, glad to see you guys taking the initiative. Who’s the thumbs with two thumbs? Anyone said that to you yet? You know - like "who's the guy with two thumbs?" Except, with thumbs? Huh?
THUMBS: We’re gesturing to you obscenely with ourselves.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
If you have been a longtime fan of Thomas Kinkade, or even if you're just now tasting him for the first time, you will recognize that this is an artistic breakthrough of such magnanimous proportions, the oil painting world may never be the same.
Though many of us know Kinkade only as the master of idyllic, pastoral scenescapes and Christian themes, prepare to be spellbound by this new series, marked by gritty realism and biting social commentary. Such as his above "Fusillade of Truth."
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
*Is it because of the title of the blog?
Monday, August 6, 2007
I know what you're thinking - why not just ask the nurse, she should know, she kissed him! Well, McDuffie, who was a teen when he returned home from WWII, just jumped off the subway and grabbed a pretty nurse who was smiling at him. They never even spoke! So she might not remember.
I know what you're thinking now - how did Glenn McDuffie, the best and most famous kisser in the world, thrice divorced, celebrate his 80th birthday? His daughter drove up to Houston to take him out to dinner. "She told me I could go anywhere I wanted," McDuffie told the press. "So, we're going to Red Lobster, and I'm going to have lobster and shrimp." A fine meal for a hero of love and war.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Are people always making friends with you just to get closer to him? I bet that happens all the time with you and girls and you think they like you, but they actually like your friend. Not me though - I think you’re really nice and fun, I love your personality. Does your friend have a similar personality to you, plus good looks?
Do you think maybe he’d want to come to the concert with us on Friday? I know you got us tickets but I was thinking we could make it a group thing and then you could ask him to come. Do you mind driving so he and I can both drink? I think I’ll have a better chance with him if we get drunk - I mean, you’ve seen me when I’m drunk. Remember that one time I almost made out with you?! But in real life I like your friend. I’m sure you’re totally used to hearing that by now.
After eliciting only raised eyebrows from peers, many of whom refused to remove their headphones, Gaskell continued to muse out loud to herself. “I can’t believe I’m thinking of getting lasagna for lunch right now. What is this, ‘The Wonder Years?’ How good of a show was that, by the way?”
Gaskell polled coworkers for over 15 minutes on whether a sincere eating of lasagna would be considered socially acceptable before concluding that it was too much trouble to actually make it happen. “I mean, it’s not like it’s so important to me to have lasagna,” Gaskell announced, finally. “I just thought it sounded kind of funny.”
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Still, many Iraqis believe this animal appeared directly after Western occupation of the province, spawning conspiracy theories that U.S. or British forces unleashed the animal to spread fear throughout the city.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Add to My Profile | More Videos
This is my favorite clip in The Soup this week. It's from the show Singing Bee but that's irrelevant. I love so many things: the ultra-fast zoom, the pained look on the singer's face, the booty dancers, the synthesizer. Everything.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
"A few days later, we flew down to Manzanilla, Mexico, for our honeymoon. We stayed in a beautiful place called Las Hadas and made love three times a day. That's why we were there, right? To give Nicole a family of her own."
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I probably won't make it to London to see the LOTR stage spectacle. But I'm definitely going to miss out on ballads like "Hobbit-sized dreams" and company numbers like "Mordor ain't no place for dancin'!"*
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Florida Fish and Wildlife has created an acronym motto for water safety on the Suwannee, S.L.O.W.: Sturgeon Leap Out of Water. They're very literal!
New MySpace Comment
Maria Bamford! has posted a new comment about you on MySpace! Click the link below to read the …
(You know the rest)
What a great day! My comedy mentor has officially taken me under her wing. I'm sure that's what the comment says. "Dear Jessie: Yes, I will take you under my wing and together we will soar over supple angel-bottoms and Carebear tears." I don't even need to look at the comment to know that's what it says. Her Special Deluxe videos rule.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
flyp1001 (2 days ago)
rubbbe (2 days ago)
flyp1001 (2 days ago)
Hey Flyp1001...what are you doing here?