Friday, March 28, 2008

Political Correctness in Your Neighborhood

Seen at my bank:

Please delicately suggest to your dog, cat, or guinea pig that he or she wait outside while you finish your bank errand. Don't imply that they wouldn't be more than welcome to help you deposit a paycheck, but rather, ask politely if they might be willing to better "help" you outside by keeping an eye on things. Depending on what they say, you may proceed inside the bank or you may be obligated to continue your pet's walk.

Never force your pet to do anything without his or her permission. Unilaterally imposing external guidelines on your pet may impair his or her development and dismantle self-esteem.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

You Can't Save Them All

Oh no! I saw this the other day in my neighborhood and had to share. Clearly the same big-hearted person found two stray cats (or was found by them) and is now waiting for the owners come claim them. So if you lost your cats recently, accidentally, or on purpose, please call and take them off this poor person's hands.

On another note, there is a cat on my street with a mangy butt and a taste for danger that I'm sure its owner wouldn't mind someone else "finding."

Monday, March 24, 2008

That Wasn't for Free, You Know

Nobody at E! got their paychecks on Friday except for the senior staff members. I seriously think the company might have ran out of money. Maybe it's from development pitches like the "Stripper Minute."

Isn't it completely unethical to not pay your employees, knowingly? I mean, what are we going to do about it - quit? No, because we need money. They have the money (ostensibly). The worst part is, nobody in charge has even sent an email about it letting us know what went wrong. Not even something like:

Dear E! Employees:

Ok…don’t get mad. You have to promise not to get mad. We have some bad news.

The, uh, printer broke. Yeah, that’s it! The printer broke and we couldn’t print your paychecks. And then the internet broke and we couldn’t do direct deposit either! Sorry. We’ll get you your paychecks today, or at least by the end of this week. Can you not cash them until next Monday though? Thanks man - it’s just, we gotta pay rent this week and stuff.



If they'd just written a note, maybe I wouldn't be so mad.

Friday, March 21, 2008

I'm Blogging for 23/6 Now!

Hey gals and goofs,

I wanted to let you knowt that I'm also blogging for another great website (not instead of SeriouslyJazzed, don't worry - in addition to!) It's called 23/6 and it is a humorous offshoot of the widely celebrated Huffington Post. You can go there to get your daily news fix and learn something while having fun too! Really, it's very funny. And you can read my staggeringly funny commentary among blog posts from comedy legends Larry David, Adam McKay, and many others. 23/6 also features original political comedy videos and other great newsy stuff. Perfect for someone who, like me, gets off on comedy + politics mixed together in a delicious swirl cone. Mmm. Ice cream.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Human Tetris Renewed My Faith in Youtube

Today I discovered Human Tetris. Today among the rotted piles of internet excrement, I found 3 gleaming minutes of hope. I have not in recent memory been so whole-heartedly entertained by a youtube video series or phenomenon. A few of my friends have gotten casting notices to be on a team, so I checked out this Japanese game show and watched 3 episodes back to back. I fell in love. I am completely in support of this.

Postmodernism and G-Chat

I'm not usually the kind of gal to post chat conversations, but I have to share this one I just had with my friend and cohort Julie. We were trying to decide on a name for our "sketch comedy troupe" (in quotes) and then both started laughing uncontrollably in our respective work cubicles. The laughter escalated both because of the awkwardness of laughing at work and because of the irony of reading someone else's insane laughter typewritten in a chat window. I almost couldn't type responses because I was laughing so hard and I think that becomes evident as the conversation wears on. It's like a written embodiment of the act of laughter.

Julie: multi-tasking
we maybe need a name for us
feeling crazy!

me: are those suggestions?
Julie: can't wait for fri!
me: because i like "feeling crazy"
Julie: no, i mean, i literally am feeling crazy
but now that you mention it, it's kind of an interesting name

me: no, i mean, i actually like it for a name
Julie: hahahaha
i am laughing
Julie: hahahaha
i can'
t stop
Julie: hahahahhahahaha
me: andrew is looking at me
i feel crazy too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Julie: hahahahahhahaha
stop it
Julie: i can't!!!!!
i'm crying laughing
Julie: now, i'm laughing like crazg
ahhh, that was nice

Friday, March 7, 2008

The Truth about Daylight Savings "Time"

In celebration of the Daylight Savings Holiday and because there are a lot of misnomers out there about its origins, I thought I'd offer a brief true history about the birth of Daylight Savings.

Daylight Savings was born in the heart of a financial manager during the subprime mortgage crisis of 2007. Americans were losing money in Apple stock (AAPL) and this, combined with failed social security reform efforts, created an atmosphere of economic desperation. Many were advised by their parents to "open up a savings account" but even at 4.95% APY Americans just couldn't put the money away. They loved money and hated not being able to spend it. So ING created a "Daylight Savings" account, designed for people who wanted to save money but who didn't have money, specifically, and thus could not save any. Daylight being free, people found it much easier to set aside in small quantities for an unknown point in the future than money, which costs money.

So once a year in the Spring people would save an hour of Daylight, which they would be allowed to withdraw on a designated day in the Fall. It was hard at first, but they got used to it. And they felt good about saving something, which made everybody happy and peaceful. The only people who didn't participate were Arizona and Hawaii because they hate freedom.

The end! It's nice to learn something, isn't it?