Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Why Do Supermodels Love James Blunt - Your Questions, Answered!

I am going to start a new segment (I love these "segments" I do - they last about one entry each). But I am really going to start a new segment called "Your Questions, Answered!" where I answer the questions from popular magazine covers. For instance, this month's Cosmo posed the question "Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?" That one's next. Today's installment comes from the October Blender:

"Why Do Supermodels Love James Blunt?"

Why do they? I'll tell you why. And I'll outline it for you in complete sentences in traditional 5-paragraph form. Intro/thesis, 3 supporting, and conclusion. But just the outline.

1. Why do Supermodels Love James Blunt? Supermodels love James Blunt for compelling reasons, which, as I see them, are threefold. Firstly, and most importantly, supermodels love James for his money. Secondly, they love him for his hair. Thirdly, they love him because he smells and sounds like them.

2. Money. James Blunt has amassed a considerable war chest from his success as a soft rock singer/songwriter. Selling albums to lonely women and weepy teens has earned him money and models love money, which is why they model.

3. Hair. James Blunt has empirically good hair. While most guys underestimate the impact of hair on their interactions with women, it is one of the single most important things that a man doesn't have control over that women will judge him for. And it clearly trumps other subjective personal traits such as substance, talent, and masculinity.

4. Woman Smell and Voice. As myriad studies have proven, familiarity is attractive. And no soft rocker is more familiar to women than James Blunt. His voice sounds like your mother's lulling you to sleep, and his breath smells of vanilla bean and honey butter. Moreover, he conditions his hair with Herbal Essences Moisture Restore for color-treated hair, which has extracts of jasmine and jojoba root (see point #3).

5. In summation, supermodels love James Blunt for the aforementioned reasons.


Kim said...

Oh my god, Jessie, you are SO totally right.

Could you one day do a segment on the differences between the "40 ways to please your man" articles in every single issue of cosmo/glamour? Maybe compile a list of the REAL 40 (or 10) ways?

Lisa said...

I hate james blunt. I am also not a supermodel.