I spoke briefly with my friend Tillman the other day and we planned my future. He is just home from a tour in Iraq (not in connection to the military, just for leisure) and is contemplating his next steps in terms of dating and securing political office. We decided a convenient arrangement that would further both of our professional goals of soon becoming President of the United States would be to get married and run as a husband/wife ticket, with the man as President (because of the military service, he's our way in). We'll offer a delicious blend of righteous diplomacy and enlightened justice. We'll get ourselves elected. Then over the course of the next few years, we coordinate an agreed-upon adultery scandal, which I weather with grace and dignity, then we switch and I get to run as President, although at this point I have to make myself appear more conservative to win the confidence of a sexist public. I'll have to make over my public image as a tough cookie, a war hawk, a forgiving domestic partner, Jesus is my co-pilot, etc. And then I'll get elected and I'll get my turn as President, with husband/co-conspirator as VP.*
*Still unclear about whether this is legal.
Anyway, I wanted to let you all know what my plans are for the next 8 or 12 years. Also, although I have arranged myself a politically strategic marriage, I'm not excluding the possibility of a series of heated passionate affairs with various models and state department officials. So, vote for us! Also, if we could secure a few thousand million dollars from friends and family in the next few days that would be great.