New Planet: Where were we on that one?

Okay. You've heard by now that European astronomers discovered a new planet (!) named Gliese 581 C (not as catchy as "Earth") that could harbor liquid water and life!! This is very exciting news for all of mankind!

But is no one else troubled by this sentence? No, not the part about life on another planet. The part where European astronomers made this awesome discovery?? What the shit, America!! Where were we on that one?

Dude. Remember back during the Cold War when we were, like, the best at Space? And we sent all those kids to Space Camp (super COOL kids) and we invested resources in human capital and it was important for us to be the best at trying new things and taking the scientific community by storm?

I am a patriot in the truest sense of the word. I want America to be making the best discoveries. I want America to be spending money on cool shit. I have a feeling I know where that money has been reallocated and it is not as cool as this planet. I think this is a compelling argument.

Wheeee!

Eeeee!!

Stephen W. Hawking, astrophysicist, father, grandfather, experienced zero gravity on Thursday in one of those jets you can pay to fly in. It's pretty complicated, but I've figured out how it works. Here's how it works:

The jet flies to around 32,000 feet. It then takes a steep parabolic dive (the parabola is important), dropping about 8,000 feet and allowing passengers to be weightless for 25 seconds. Stephen W. Hawking got to do this 8 times yesterday!

They say when he was not weightless, he was resting atop a special foam pillow. Oh, to touch that foam pillow he was weightful on!

Zach Braff will NOT be doing the thing some people thought he was going to do

Big news, straight from Hollywood blogs:

Zach Braff will NOT be playing the role of "Fletch" in the "Fletch" remake a few people have been talking about. Some people had talked about who would play the role of "Fletch" and those people expected that, naturally, Zach Braff would, for obvious reasons. But I am here reporting today that he will NOT, I repeat, NOT be playing the role of "Fletch." Many of the people who were previously talking about this are now disappointed.

It's disappointing, but mostly in the way it's always disappointing to hear that someone is not doing something. That's bad news, because it's negative, right? So I guess now we start talking about who else might be capable of playing the role of "Fletch?" And I will let you know when it is decided that any of those people will not be playing that role.

I will bet money that the next person to not be playing it will be Shia LeBouf - he is all over the place these days!

This is Why I'm Hot, Remix

I just got the lyrics to the follow-up single to MIMS's smash hit, "This is Why I'm Hot." And let me tell you -- it is hot! It's called "This is Not a Rap."

This is not a rap
This is not a rap
This is not
This is not
This is not a rap

A rap has lyrics
That generally rhyme

This is not
This is not
This is not a rap.

I'm so hot
That I don't have to rap
I can sell a mill saying nothing on the track*
The public is stupid
You are stupid
I tell you that you're stupid and you still buy my track
I just name places
Places are the best
Different cities and directions like East and West.
Woops that rhymed
It sounds like I'm trying
Even though I'm not
Did I mention that I'm hot?

This is not a rap
This is not a rap
This is not
This is not
This is not a rap

A rap has words
Words that say things

This is not
This is not
This is not a rap.

Suckaz!



*Line borrowed from first hit, "This is Why I'm Hot"

Who's your Baghdad?

Hey--Happy Anniversary, Baghdad! It's the 4th anniversary of your fall. How do you want to celebrate? A romantic candelit dinner, oysters dipped in a dark chocolate fountain? A drive out to the Cape? Or maybe you just want to stay in tonight? Good, because there's a curfew that lasts from 5 a.m. today to 5 a.m. tomorrow.

The curfew includes a ban on the use of vehicles in the city (except security force vehicles). With any anniversary inevitably come protests from disgruntled partners (just ask my ex-husband!) so it makes sense that they're trying to crack down on grumblings and car bombings.

Get out the KY because we've got 24 hours to kill!

Footnote: today's not THAT special in Baghdad because there's actually a curfew every night from 10 pm to 5 am. It was just shortened last week by 2 hours due to lots of good behavior!

Hooters to Open New Location

Great news! The popular chain, Hooters, is opening a quality restaurant in a new location: Baghdad! Now Iraqis too can cool off after a long day at work with cold beer and a plate of fire wings while ignoring their wives' text messages. Here are direct quotes from Hooters spokesman, Mike McNeil:

“For the most part, it will be identical to what you’re going to see in the United States — the same uniform for the girls, chicken wings and burgers,” he said.

Asked about any religious concerns about Hooters opening in Iraq, McNeil said, “We’re not aware of any concerns at this point.”

Oh my gosh, that sounds absurd. You know there's no Hooters opening in Iraq. But swap out Iraq for Israel, and you'll have a true story. Oh, of course! That makes more sense.

US V. Nature

In the midst of a tumultuous battle over the U.S. government's responsibility in curbing global warming, Nature and Monument manage to pose for this beautiful picture together.

Today the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases must be regulated under the Clean Air Act, giving the EPA jurisdiction over emissions from cars.

What this could mean is support from the EPA for state-run programs to limit tailpipe emissions from new cars, beginning with 2009 models. In the short term it is affirming to have confirmation from our Judiciary (or at least, just over half of its members) that global warming exists. Big steps. (AP)