Can't Get Enough of Football Season?

I know! Don't you wish that the thrill of watching sports could go beyond your television set and onto your very own lawn? Yeah, me too!

Good thing you can now make your lawn look like a sports field. Yes, read that sentence again. You can!

It's as simple as purchasing some equipment and following the instructions. Check out the illustrated guide:

Oh, and do you sometimes just wonder how sports fields look like that? That hypnotizing piece of Magic Eye-esque beauty? Well...

"The "stripes" that you see on a lawn or athletic field are caused by light reflecting off the blades of grass. It has not been cut at a different height nor is it a different breed of grass. The "stripes" are made by bending the blades of grass in different directions."

I love it.
Joanna

Row, Pumpkin, Row!

Ah, how I love the Fall. It's such a pumpkin time. Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin pie, pumpkin regattas...what! Did you just say...? WAIT...are you telling me they make PUMPKIN CHEESE? No, I said regatta!

Pumpkin boat races take place in humongous hollowed-out gourds, in waterways all over the world! And they often involve fierce competitors, like the above paddler in his 550-pound seaworthy vessel, "Pimp Kin."

Pumpkin regattas are a draw for a wide variety of elite athletes. The winner of the Windsor Pumpkin Regatta, which took place last weekend in Nova Scotia, was a 71 year old Canadian man, who credits physical strength and specialty flat-bottom pumpkins for his victory.

Pumped up!

Jessie

Let Me See You Tootsie Roll!

Um, I can't explain it. I recently got addicted to Tootsie Rolls. What?! How can this be? Isn't this known as a sub-par candy? Like, one of the worse things to get when trick-or-treating? How did this happen? And why do I need to eat 2-5 Tootsie Rolls a day? And what is it exactly that they taste like?

Folks, I have no answer for you.
But I do have a Halloween costume idea for you, no matter if you're a baby, child, or adult...

Joanna

300 Million! My Goodness!

Oh my God! You guys! This very morning our fine nation's population hit 300 million when a brand new baby was born! How fun!

It seems like just a week ago when the population was 200 million, back in 1967. Time flies, huh?

Perspective, guys. This really makes you think. Can you even imagine what 300 million means? Can you even imagine what heaven is?

Joanna

Zeus Strikes Back!

You'll think this can't be. But it is!

Maybe it makes a fun credit card design, but people--in real life, lightning hurts. It hurts bad! And sometimes, it hurts in places we'd never expect.

Natasha Timarovic, a 27-year-old Croatian woman, was brushing her teeth one night earlier this week when lightning struck her building. She had just put her mouth underneath the tap to rinse and spit when she suddenly felt the lightning course through her body. She instantly felt an incredible amount of pain, so she was taken to a hospital--where she was treated for severe burns on her mouth AND HER ANUS!!

Wait...I thought you just said "anus." I just said ANUS!!!

A medic said that because she was wearing rubber soled shoes, the lightning exited through her anus as opposed to earthing through her feet. Doctors said the accident is "bizarre but not impossible," and she is expected to recover fully.

Luckily for Natasha, old adages prove this can't happen again.
Jessie

The Littlest Horse

Once there was a horse so small
If it fell, there wouldn’t be far to fall

This horse here stands only 17 inches high
How precious! How dear! Let’s all now sigh.

This little pony, just as small as a dog
Could not scale even a fallen log

But please… please! Put away your mournful flute
There’s no need for pity—it’s so freakin’ cute

No, seriously. How cute is this? As a child, I always had a fascination with miniature horses. I’d heard of them and thought the concept was adorable. Then a couple of years ago, I actually got to see one at the San Diego zoo. And… I… loved… it. And I love this little guy too! And her name is Thumbelina. How darling!

Thumbelina is in no risk of becoming a circus freak—her owners love her as much as I do and would never sell her.

1, 2, 3, all together now!:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!!!!!!!!!
Joanna

Who Stole the Cookies from the Cookie Jar?

Who stole the baking goods from the Madison, Wisconsin bakery? Now I love cookies as much (probably more than) the average Joe. But I have principles! The Madison police force has arrested the 53-year-old man responsible for stealing oil, flour, eggs, and sugar, transporting the goods in Stella's Bakery's delivery truck, and re-selling the goods to other area bakeries.
What a naughty boy!

Now come on! No one's trying to be a party pooper here. Of course you can have a cookie.
When? After you've eaten your dinner. Including your vegetables.
But to break into the bakery after hours, steal ingredients and subsequently sell them? That's just disrespectful. There's a reason why I monitor how much sugar you can have.

Because you get out of control if you have too much. And then stay up all night getting into all kinds of mischief.

And then I have to come to jail and bail you out!

You certainly are an incorrigible boy!

Well when you can prove to me that you can make a living in accordance with state and federal law, then you can decide how much sugar you can handle. Does that sound fair?

Joanna