A New Opportunity, A New Cable-Clip-Comedy Show

So - excuse the nebulous and Disneylicious sunflower metaphor below, I'll explain the personal motivation behind it. And the reason I haven't been blogging in ages.

My life recently got turned upside-down when I was offered a writing job on "The Dish" - a spinoff of The Soup (see: Spaghetti Cat), where I used to work, that will air on the Style Network. It premieres this Saturday, Aug. 23 at 10pm ET! Please tivo, my four loyal readers. The show is truly great - I am not embarrassed to plug it at all. And I think I'd actually watch it if I didn't work here. It's a more girly take on the Soup, but it really celebrates the fact that women too appreciate comedy. It's genuinely funny and very quirky - in that it grabs more from the home- and self-improvement genre which involves a lot of insane hosts and public access and fashion victims that you don't see on the mainstream/reality conveyer belt. And it's hosted by Danielle Fishel, who is a nostalgic dream and completely delightful.

Anyway, the job has been very fun, but I've been completely wrapped up in trying to get this new show off the ground and being so invested in its success. Where I used to have some time during the day to write for side projects, I am now completely creatively spent by the time I get home from a long day. (Which is unfortunate when we have a 2nd season of the critically-acclaimed Dorm Life web series in the pipeline! But regardless I can say with certainty that this will be the best season ever.)

Please do check out the show, and I promise to come back when I get my life under control. I am basically working two fulltime creative jobs (although one only pays in hugs and semi-offensive internet comments) but this is the time to do it and I am doing it and I am surviving. I think good things will come of this!

But, I'll leave you with this cautionary note. To remind me of my mortality and/or impending demise, I received in the mail this card...

...To remind me of dreams unfulfilled. Go for it! Tomorrow you could be old!

Cheer up, sunshine!

This sunflower popped up by our front walkway. Out of nowhere! A sunflower! That area doesn't even get watered and a sunflower grew to full flower (with lots of flower buds that keep flowering one after another).

I think it may have come from the birdfeeder; there are sunflower seeds in the birdfeed mix. But he had to plant himself and endure a hostile soil environment, just to make me happy.

I think it's a good reminder that opportunities can arise anywhere. And we need to be present enough to take advantage of them!

Cute Overload, Small Human Edition

It would be selfish to keep this picture to myself.

Context: A friend's nephew who I don't know at all, driving his grandpa's Hummer

Caption: When he finds out he's only getting 6 MPG, he'll shit his pants again

A Historic Moment in Sports History!

There's something with me getting caught up in sports history when I'm at the gym. Not making it - but watching it. A few weeks ago it was the incredible men's Wimbledon final where Rafael Nadal historically unseated world reigning champ Roger Federer. The match lasted 4 hours and 48 minutes, during which I was on the treadmill until my legs literally fell off.* THEN recently I was gymming again when I started absent-mindedly watching the high school track and field California state championships. I know, how could you not! But in an effort to distract myself from the physical exertion I actually started getting into the story that was playing out. And I ended up watching one of the most inspiring races of my life!

German Fernandez, a senior from Riverbank High, had just won the state title for the mile run - in less than 4:01 - when he lined up to run the 3200 (a 2 mile run). He had just run a grueling mile, and the conditions that day were less than ideal: hot, with a strong cross-wind. But immediately he pulled ahead of the pack and by the 4th lap, he was literally 100 meters ahead of the other runners. For him to set the record, he would have to pace himself, completely alone, for more than a mile. Which he did! He ran perfectly, and all the announcers kept saying was that this was one of the most impressive performances by an athlete at this level in any sport, in history! I was completely spellbound. The last two laps, he was lapping people (get out of his f-ing way!) and still ran negative splits - meaning he was running faster by the end than he had at the beginning.

I'm a sucker for all hero/sports stories. But this was a good one. He broke the record with a time of 8:34:23, beating the 1979 record of 8:36. This is fast, people. And by the end, the crowd of 10,000 were all on their feet. I was trying not to fall off the treadmill. He finished the race in perfect form, and honestly didn't look that tired afterward.

German later went on to break the record for the 2-mile at the Nike Nationals with a time of 8:34:40. He may be slow, but at least he's consistent! I look forward to seeing this kid at the Olympics in 4 years. I'm already looking forward to it.

*Another misuse of the word "literally."

Subconscious Profundity

I came home last night and found this post-it note - my roommate's To-Do List for the day.  I pointed out to her that everything on the list was crossed off except the first, most pressing priority: "Apply 4 Job."  I found this very very funny.  Who hasn't been there?  We're always at our most productive when we have a big elephant waiting to be hauled out of the room.  It's why I clean the kitchen and rearrange furniture when I have lots of writing to do.

I love little things like this that inadvertently illuminate life's quirks.

P.S. As of this writing, said job has still not been "applied 4."

Ladies Love Cake!

What a lovely, lovely cake!! I was surprised by this cake at our staff meeting today, after I joked all week about my coworkers getting me one, assuming they wouldn't, because I didn't get one for my birthday this year. Unforgiveable. But I didn't actually expect one and this one far exceeded my wildest cake dreams!

It's from Lark Silverlake Cake Shop, evidently the most delightful bakery imaginable. The exterior of the cake is lovely, clearly, but the inside is such a delicious red velvet cake (my favorite!) and cream cheese frosting (my favorite!) There is about 1/4 left and I am taking it home to eat out of the box on my couch this weekend.

Oh! You're probably wondering what the occasion for the cake was. It's my last day at my current job (producing wildly funny tv series The Soup) - which is really sad! Except that next week I'll start as a writer on a spin-off show for the Style network called "The Dish" - which is really exciting. Many more updates on that situation to come, I'm sure.

Either way, I couldn't have asked for a better send-off cake! I mean, considering they forgot my birthday.

"Light Metal"

Another delicious treat from Sensible Snack:

Ever wondered what would happen if Heavy Metal got lighter? I'll wonder no longer, thanks to the latest Time Life infomercial.

In the late 80s, a jazz musician and a heavy metal frontman joined together in the U.K. to form "Hard Breeze," the first ever Light Metal band. Today, you can order their Best Of collection from Time Life Records!

Watch this video to experience the magic and mystery, the bumping and humping of "Hard Breeze." Includes 4 (four) original songs and music videos!! Unrivaled in the world of Youtube!

Modern Art for the Modern Office

"Rubber Spaghetti"
Materials: plastic, found objects. Price: $50,000.00


This is a modern art piece(s) my coworker Dan created. Not only are they aesthetically pleasing, but I think the commentary they make is staggering and wholly terrifying. If you are what you eat, what happens when you consume rubber band spaghetti? Is this what industrialization and rampant consumerism have wrought? A life relegated to work, spending lunch breaks at desks eating rubber off of plastic utensils? What sorry calamity is the American diet, and is this the legacy we want to leave for our children? And - wait for it - if everything man eats is man-made, is he, in fact, eating himself?

Art is life is art. C'est l'arte. C'est la vie.*


*(Took a guess on how to say/spell that)

Jazzed about the Jacaranda Tree

I thought I had found my own blue jacaranda heaven on Palm Dr. in Beverly Hills.  I stumbled down this street on a run one day and was rejuvenated by the abundant blossoming trees; then returned to shoot upwards of 50 snapshots with my camera.  Then I found that I wasn't the only one enjoying the "jacs" here (see: this LA Times article on the best places to find jacardandas in LA)

Update: I took these pics a few weeks ago, and unfortunately the trees are already losing their blooms.  Be sure to check them out in May of 2009, though.  You can still find the beauties in bloom on the Pacific coast of Mexico, however!

OMG Yay! Teen Pregnancy!

Ever since Juno launched forth a fascination with the glamorous, sexy world of teen pregnancy, we've seen a number of knock-offs (knock-ups?) in both pop culture and, sadly, real life (see: Massachusetts pregnancy pact involving 17 teen girls).

The latest is ABC Family's "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" - an hour-long dramedy starring quick-tongued high school teens navigating their way through real-life adolescent situations. While this one, unlike Juno, doesn't trivialize the issue of teen pregnancy, I realized that it does have its own agenda.  The show is so overt with its values judgments that I first thought it must be tongue-in-cheek. Ooh, is this a TV version of the movie "Saved?" I thought. Nope.  I wish it was a parody.  But I'm afraid it's another abstinence-only policy disguised as a realistic teen experience.   

In the first episode, I encountered a hot Christian girl who convinces her jock boyfriend they have to save "what's meant for marriage for marriage," the same girl explaining the virtues of a Promise Ring with her perfect blonde parents, and intentionally misreported sexual activity statistics (the show cites that 20% of teens have had sex - while the CDC reports 47.8% of teens were sexually active in 2007). And possibly the worst of all, when the pregnant girl shares the bad news with her friends, one of them suggests seeing a doctor about "options" but is shut down at even the hint that the tragic heroine might consider an abortion. I'm not saying this is the right choice for her, but can we at least explore that scenario, considering it is a realistic choice for many teens?

Now, you might be thinking, geez Jessie, you just want TV to reflect your liberal blogger agenda. People can make do TV about different opinions n' stuff! Well, you're right. But if a program is purposely informing children's experiences with a very rigid and specifically religious dogma, with dangerous health consequences, doesn't this become a bipartisan public concern?

I think we can all agree that the goal is to not let teens get pregnant in the first place. If they don't get pregnant, we don't even have to talk about abortions. But it's how we do this that's important.

Abstinence-only education has been the primary sex education strategy pursued in the U.S. since 2001. Since then, rates of sexual activity have gone up, condom use has gone down, and teen pregnancy rates are up (check out the stats). So, you tell me if this approach is working.

I know I've discoursed on the ills of abstinence-only education before. But it really does scare me when it's veiled this way in entertainment, because the most dangerous forms of propaganda are the ones we don't consider propaganda. These are offering the most significant imprints onto our consciousness.

We need more programming that educates girls without judgment so they have all the tools they need to make important decisions, and then empowers them to feel confident about their decision-making abilities. And though I too admit I have enjoyed teen pregnancy as a plot device (cough - Gilmore Girls), and though I'm sure many unplanned pregnancies do yield happy families, we of the media have a responsibility to equip girls with the tools they need if they don't want to get pregnant. And if they do think they want a baby, as with the girls of the pregnancy pact (many of whom said they just wanted someone to love them unconditionally), maybe we need to be focusing on the difficulties of raising a child as a young mother contrasted with the "excitement" of the idea of being pregnant.

If you want a real teen experience, check out this awesome blog entry about a pregnancy scare. This girl is going to be a great blogger someday - she already writes with such an interesting adult voice.

On a happier note, Molly Ringwald is in this new show - and she's by far the best thing about it. Welcome back, girlfriend!

This Makes it All Better

Seriouslyjazzed? More like seriously overcome by sweetness.

I don't care who you are. You will cry when you watch this video.

Read the whole story, but it's basically about a lion cub that was raised by 2 men, then released in Africa - where they later went to find him. Impeccably edited to the Grammy award-winning "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston. This is like chicken soup for the Youtube soul. I can't think of anything greater.

Good Idea # 415: Play on this Website

A Good Idea shoutout is in order!

This is very girly - and as we all know, that's the worst thing a person can be - but I also found this very fun. If you're a girl, you'll like this site a lot.

The company is Studio 28 Couture, and the site lets you design your own party dress in 4 easy steps. It's genius for instant gratifiers like myself, because you can visualize the choices you make on your dress instantly. You choose from different styles and fabrics, mix and match until your boss walks by.

The dresses cost about $200 if you actually want to get one made, and they are all handmade from 100% cotton fabric. I probably won't be getting one soon (I have an allover-print phobia), but I will definitely keep playing on their site! I also see vast potential for bridesmaid dresses - give the wedding party a few colors and fabrics to choose from, bride doesn't look crazy, bridesmaids get a dress they might actually like. Done.

Unicorn Dreamscape

A- ha! What's that you say, teachers, parents, scientists? Unicorns don't exist? Or perhaps you've just been brainwashed into becoming pawns for a military-industrial conspiracy to squash the hopes and dreams of children so they can't change the world?

Unicorns do exist, and this is proof. My entire childhood, vindicated! I was the original unicorn queen. I had unicorn everything. I owned every piece of tacky fluorescent unicorn art in existence, plus figurines, flatware, bedding, 365-day calendars. I wasn't one of these uni-come-latelys getting all ironically interested in unicorns because they're on a shirt at Urban Outfitters that says "I'm uni-horny" or some crap like that. I truly loved and admired the unicorn, from its powerful, supple hindquarters, to its ruthlessly sharp golden horn. The unicorn stood for everything that was beautiful in the world and everything I myself wanted to grow up to be.

Admittedly, this real-life unicorn is somewhat less glamorous than the one that danced through my dreamscape. It was born in a nature preserve in Italy to what we call "norm parents" (regular old Roe deer) but with a special spectacular horn and magical healing powers. It is aptly named "Unicorn" (just further proof that adults have lost their capacity for wonder).

But what the existence of this unicorn tells me is a) where there is one, there have to be clouds full of others, living in castles and traveling via rainbow - that's just logical. And b) when you dare to dream, anything in the world is possible. What a delightful, inspiring message! And that shit is free, yo.

Is it Time for a Baby?

Is there an emptiness in your life that can't be filled with chocolate? Are you so emotionally unstable you worry that no one will love you? This new PSA offers a wonderful solution to your problems...and the best part is, almost anyone can do it.



The first delicious treat from my new sketch group, Sensible Snack!

"Good" - A Sweet-Ass Magazine

I'm almost as jazzed about this magazine's apt title as I am about its content. In the tradition of "Car and Driver," "Horse Illustrated," and "Jugz," my new obsession is equally literal. Everything in Good Magazine is good, enticing, and interesting. It's kind of what I had in mind when I started this blog - although I have the benefit of inferior writing and fewer pictures. I wanted my theme to be, "I don't know - just stuff that's, like, good." So I completely identify with this desire to share things of general importance. You've spoken to me, Good, and I'm listening!

The mag really is everything from travel diaries, to charitable efforts, to political commentary, to filmmaking. This most recent July/Aug 08 issue got me hooked - thanks to my roommate Alie for working long hours lately and leaving her subscription out for me to play with! My personal faves include the travel guide to man-made disasters (a tour through sensational landfills and toxic pits of the U.S. - truly inspired) and the survey of history's most compelling secret society groups (you had me at conspiracy!)

I love this magazine and can't wait to spend the $20 for a year (just 6 issues for now). But get this - the best part is, 100% of the payment goes to the charity of your choice! (How is this even possible?! Won't they go out of business? Please take the money you need, Good Magazine, and stay in circulation!)

**Sidenote: the Good website (sounds like a good website) is also wonderfully informative and available to everyone! I just watched a video about "Vampire Energy" - household appliances that suck energy and cost $ and leave CO2 when they're plugged in - even if they're not on or in use! The worst offender is the microwave. Each day you leave it plugged in is the equivalent of using the microwave on high for 4 minutes. Yikes. Good, you make me want to be a better person.

One Day in Iraq - A Numbers Blog

Did you know that...

For the cost of one day in Iraq, we could rebuild 2215 homes destroyed by Hurricane Katrina or pay the annual salaries for 72% of the LAPD?

I haven't been very attentive to you lately, dear Blog and Blog readers - but, I'm happy to share, I have another new project that is now polluting the webspace with great fury!

It's a new blog, "One Day in Iraq," in a completely different direction from SeriouslyJazzed - but likely more interesting and certainly more important. One of my life's goals is finding a way to make social and political issues interesting and digestible to regular people. Like You n' Me! Because the only way a democracy can work is if the people are fully informed.

I recently learned that the U.S. spends $332.3 million each day in Iraq. This number is staggering! But it is also hard to grasp exactly what a number this big really represents. So I got together with some other number-crunchers and we started brainstorming all the other ways that incredible amount of money could be spent. This is not a partisan issue, it is pure empirical data that does not have any political affiliation.

The first products of our brainstorm are up, and I think they will amaze you. And we have a huge vault of ideas waiting to be released. We'll be putting up at least four new figures a week, so be sure to check back often and subscribe to the RSS feed.

So without further ado that I present to you a blog that offers some alternatives for ways we could spend the daily Iraq budget: One Day in Iraq

Also, please send us tips (onedayiniraq@gmail.com) if you have thoughts on ways you'd like to spend that $332.3 million (Blood diamonds? Apple products? Tacos?), along with the sources for your numbers.

Jokes, Man

Since we're on the subject of humor, I want everyone to check out The Soup's new blog on E! Online. It is completely buried within E!'s not-very-user-friendly webpage and is almost impossible to navigate to. But I'll give you the link here. And here.

Our blogmaster, Matt Olsen, is a very funny writer and offers takes on celebrity news as well as a Clip of the Day, "What Your Mother's Watching," and insider Soup info segments.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, The Soup is the show I work/write for, it's on television, a useful diversion - you should try it. It's a joke show, with jokes in it. Fridays at 10pm on E! Or if you're too old-fashioned to watch TV, read the blog.

Hot Pockets - New Video!

Hungry for a sensible snack that won't fill you up and might let you down?

Try "Hot Pockets," a new video I worked on with some of my friends at The Soup! It follows the trials of two young ad men producing the next big commercial for "Hot Pockets."

Zero trans fat, -30 calories per serving (from laughing). Pop one in your compu-wave and make your eyes water!



Written by: Jessie Gaskell, Andrew Genser, Dan Riesser.
Starring: Jessie Gaskell, Andrew Genser, Dan Riesser.
Shot by: Mike Kershner.
Edited by: Dan Riesser

Tapping Resentment: Post-Revolutionary Sexism and the Modern Beer Commercial, Pt. 1

I just saw another beer commercial where the male "protagonist" lies to his girlfriend so he can go drink beers with his bros. Sooo rad dude. But seriously. What the H? Not to get all feministy on you - because heaven knows, that is the worst thing a woman can be - but yes, actually, to get feministy on you. I hate this pervasive image of a woman as the “warden” to your prison, the “gatekeeper” to your personal hell. We are so unreasonable that you actually have to lie to us to hang out with your friends and drink beer? That is insane.

First of all, women like beer. Why are you alienating a significant subsect of your consumership, Coors Light? Maybe because we only drink you at frat parties - and we’re definitely not paying for that.

Secondly, why do guys think they have to lie to go be somewhere else for a night? Will I really be upset about finally getting a night to myself without my sheets smelling like balls? No. By all means, no!

So of course all these ads are doing is perpetuating a stereotype about women as uptight shrews who are out to ruin your homosexual fun. Which makes it so that you don’t give us credit when we actually have a reason to get uptight and pissed about something, like now, because you’ve already decided we’re just being rigid and menstrual, so we never get our point across. And it’s not right! It’s not just! Stop telling me to calm down!

Or maybe it’s just a stupid, uninspired beer commercial.

Positive Feedback

I want to share with you some (thankfully) positive feedback about my Dorm Life character, "Steph," that I found today on Digg.com. You all don't know this, but many months ago I found some extremely dissatisfying commentary about me on a web forum that launched me into a questioning of my entire virtual existence. It hurt a lot that these strangers, probably 40-something men covered in chicken grease and their own semen, could dare criticize my (admittedly hateable) webisode character. But I recovered, I bounced back, I exacted my revenge through a blog about horrible internet commentary (I haven't publicized it yet - but you can take a peak at the beta model - notes appreciated). And see what has happened today! People on the internet have validated me and I feel whole.

Incidentally, this guy "DeadFox" is not an ex-boyfriend of mine, as he would lead you to believe. A future boyfriend, possibly?

+2 diggs by iThenticJoce on 04/09/2008
Steph is the best!

+2 diggs by DeadFox1 on 04/09/2008
Steph? OMG it's my ex-gf!

+2 diggs by iThenticJoce on 04/09/2008
oh lord, no wonders she's an ex! but really she's cute and hilarious! great character!

+2 diggs by hadak on 04/09/2008
The exuberant girl in the pink shirt is really hot.